No Crying Out...The Ferber Method!!

It was that time, the moment to which we were so apprehensive, letting CJ go to bed on his own.  I had spent many of days being a stealth, sly ninja carrying him from our bedroom to his own once he fell asleep on the breast.  I would wait until he had fallen deep into sleep (light sleep will not get it) and “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon” my way out of the bed, maintaining a stable hold where he lay in my arms.  I would hold my breath to reduce chest movement; oh yes (moms should know this) it was that serious.  Truthfully, I could have done that forever, but there comes a time when you have to tell yourself he/she needs to learn how to put him or herself to sleep.  With that said, I refused to do the cry it out method.  Especially after hearing horror stories of 3 hour long crying sessions.  The thought of him crying hysterically while I just lay there made me want to cry as myself.  Fortunately, like most tech savvy moms, I thrive on an internet connection with other moms and ended up finding everything from let them cry until they fall asleep to co-sleeping until like 3 years of age.  The most interesting thing I found seemed to be a compromise and the was called the Ferber method.  I am not sure how you are supposed to quote things in a blog so will just say specific details can be found on the internet.  O.k. so back to basics, I actually cannot remember exactly where I saw it but I usually prefer to get my info from women who have gone through what I am going through.  Basically what you do is on let the baby cry for intervals.  The particular person had said, you put your baby down (awake) in the crib and leave.  You let them cry for 5 minutes and go back in and soothe him or her, without picking them up, for no more than 1 min.  If the baby is still crying, wait 10 minutes and repeat.  Next interval is 20 minutes.  You can choose to go longer or stop at 20 minutes.  I never got passed 20 minutes and it actually only took 3 days.  After that I he cried, but stopped before 5 minutes.  After a couple of weeks, there was no crying and by like 10 months he pretty much started jumping out of my hands to get in the crib.  He doesn’t like being rocked to sleep anymore.  Wait, I actually forgot something, he did still wake up in the middle of the night, but you are able to pick them up during this time and it helps them know if really needed you are there.  I am not 100% sure the midnight sleep is from Ferber, but it was recommended on the site I found.  Some nights I pinch myself because I had the wake up every hour and a half (in the beginning ) baby, then I had the wake up 2-3 times per night after 6 months baby.  So the fact that I pretty much can count on putting him to bed around 7:15p/7:30p and getting started with my stuff does not seem real.  I actually didn’t realize I have a baby that sleeps 11-12 hours a night until my neighbor asked me his sleep schedule and freaked out.  Thanks Ferber!!!

Cabin Fever

I will tell you from experience, do not let your fear of germs or your fear of people being near your baby make you a prisoner in your own home.  Once again, another plan mapped out; no one was allowed to come see the baby for 2 weeks.  I wasn’t going to take him out for at least 3 months, because my baby wasn’t going to be exposed to the outside world.  Even CJ’s pediatrician got in on it.  I asked about going out and she looked at me like I was crazy.  You know, like parent saying “where do you think you are going”.  She said, “Well if you are going to the store, go early when there aren’t as many people there”.  Like that was the only place I could go being a new mom.  This was confirmation that I was doing the right thing by keeping everyone away.  Well after a month and recovery from my Maternity Blues, I got into another funk.  I felt trapped in this strange world.  I didn’t feel like myself which is an energetic, outdoors girl.  It felt like the world was closing in on me, like I was suffocating.  I mean I did not leave the house and I was losing it.  My anxiety began to rear its ugly head like “is this my life”.  Then I had an epiphany, I remembered when my amazing mother came over and forced me to take a walk with her outside and how freeing and refreshing it felt.  So that is what I began to do, take walks.  Just a simple 10 minute walk around the block (baby in stroller), felt so good and fresh.  I didn’t feel I was compromising my rule because no one was around and I covered up my munchkin like Fort Knox.  Eventually I went a step further and remembered how much I loved to just drive around with my husband B.C. (since my son’s name starts with a “C” that works both ways) and look at architecture, people walking around, etc.  So I decided to grab my diaper bag, baby and head off for a car ride.  Oh that was my favorite because it reminded of the cool city in which I live.  I breastfed so his food was readily available and I would stop through a drive thru if I got hungry.  Since my Cabin Fever never got extreme enough for me to break my “rules”, those two things were a great compromise.  Of course, there are people who will take their child out anywhere right out the gate (you know to which gate I am referring) and good for them for being fearless, but all you out there like me find a compromise because Cabin Fever is no day at the park.  Oh and a side note, if I am blessed to have another, I will keep my rules and just start my outdoor fun earlier.  My son didn’t have a single sniffle until we started him at Gymboree and at 9 months he caught a bad cold from one of his classmates.  Good Luck!!!

MSPI For A Day

For those of you who do not know, which may be anyone reading this, MSPI stands for milk-soy-protein intolerance and it is a parent’s worst nightmare.  And for 3 weeks we were convinced CJ had it.  To be fair, a doctor pushed it in our heads even more.  The Boogmeister (one of my son’s many nicknames), had stomach problems from about 1 month through about 8 months.  Our initial pediatrician and our final ped kept telling us it was normal and he would grow out of it, but we just refused to believe his gas and squirming was normal.  Every other day I thought he was allergic to something he ate, so I would stop eating it.  The final straw was when there was a streak of blood in his diaper.  I took him to a doctor and that is when it was suggested that he might be and MSPI baby.  Now I don’t know if people truly understand what it is like to have to avoid dairy and soy because those are the ingredients of everything.  I lost a lot of weight from breastfeeding, but this put me over the top.  At first I almost didn’t eat because everything has soy.  Then I did research.  I have to first thank this vegan enthusiast at Trader Joe’s that helped me find Vegan products.  It was even harder though because vegans can have soy.  T.J.’s has signs that indicate Vegan, Vegetarian, and Glutton free so that made it easy to search.  I will tell you right now their vegan snickerdoodles are awesome and they have no soy products.  Another product I found was whole wheat bread from Van De Kamps which has no soy.  That was the only bread I could find.  I ate a lot of rice and I think some corn tortillas.  The best part is it turned out CJ did no have the allergy.  We decided to wait for his well-baby visit to confirm with his doctor.  She explained to us that MSPI babies are really sick and do not thrive.  It is really obvious that they have a problem and since Boogie was in the 75^th percentile, we were pretty sure that was not the case.  Months and months later, we look back and realize I will do anything for my child and that some doctors are not so great to say the least.  Oh well, at least I got some good Vegan products.

To Schedule or Not To Schedule

Right out the gate, I must admit I am a Type A personality.  There must always be a list, a plan, and a back up plan to account for any deviations in the original plan.  So it would come to no surprise that I would choose to be a scheduling parent rather than a go with the flow free spirit.  I am sure some veteran moms have already begun to laugh hysterically.  The truth is, schedules work and they are good to an extent.  It pretty much becomes a base, at least that is what I should have told myself.  If I had a nickel for everyday that I would starve (well not really since he went from 5 lbs 4 oz. to 75^th percentile in a month) or sleep deprive my child because “it wasn’t time” (based on the schedule).  Doctors, nurses, and some books would constantly bombard you with the phrase “they will let you know”, but anyone who is type A knows how hard it is to deviate from your schedule.  So my son would cry and I would be in a light panic because I didn’t know what was wrong.  “He is definitely not hungry because it has not been X hours” I would say to myself.  “He can’t be sleepy, it’s X hours before nap time”.  It took many a day and night for me to say, “maybe he is hungry”, “maybe he is sleepy”.  Experienced mothers will tell you over and over again the infamous 3 … dirty diaper, hungry, sleepy and for some reason it’s the last thing you think about.  My husband and I would laugh at ourselves for missing I-3 and then catching it at the last minute.  The main thing I realized was having a schedule prevented me from being a scatter brain, it’s like a security blanket, but I had to be willing to think outside the box when it comes to my little guy. Along with the schedule comes routine and he loves routine.  You can see in his eyes, the comfortable feeling of knowing what is going to happen.  Also as he got older, he learned the sound of the bottle warmer.  Although that might be because that thing is obnoxious, I ‘m like is there a fire, a war, no it’s just my son’s bottle that is done.  Anyway, he will get excited and antsy.  When I put him in his “drinking” spot he smacked his lips or now he starts making this funny noise.  I read that they like schedules and routine and I can tell you from my little experience that it is absolutely true.  But Type A beware, “he/she will let you know” and that is the best planner you need.

Maternity Blues or Postpartum Depression??

So Postpartum Depression is defined as (taken from wikipedia and multiple other websites) moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth.  It can begin any time beginning immediately after delivery through the first year.  Symptoms include:

• Agitation or irritability
• Changes in appetite
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Feeling withdrawn or unconnected
• Lack of pleasure or interest in most or all activities
• Loss of concentration
• Loss of energy
• Problems doing tasks at home or work
• Negative feelings toward the baby
• Significant anxiety
• Thoughts of death or suicide
• Trouble sleeping

Maternity Blues is defined as mild and transitory moodiness suffered by up to 80% of postnatal women.  Symptoms of Maternity Blues include:

Tearfulness

Irritability

hypochondriasis

sleeplessness

impairment of concentration

feelings of isolation

headache

It seems to me that they are pretty similar except Maternity Blues is not as severe, doesn’t last as long, and you don’t have negative feelings towards the baby.  That is what gave me the hint that I didn’t have PPD.  It was just so natural to take care of my baby.  While I was moping around, while I panicked, while I was anxious, I was so attached to my little man.  I remember being home by myself, while my husband was at work, and freaking out about this new little person that has entered our life.  The first few days he was home I was a wreck.  I kept thinking OMG we made a mistake.  How did this happen?  What are we going to do?  We can’t afford a baby? Etc. etc. etc….I felt nauseas.  I didn’t know how I was going to be a mom.  Please note, we planned this baby.  I mean the whole shebang.  Marking the calendar, having dutiful sex, laying motionless after the deed to optimize the “swimming” environment.  Even so, I was saying “how did this happen”.  What was worse, I looked a mess.  Probably like a deranged woman.  I was calling my friend, who is a mother of two and my own mother, every single day.  One of the recurring thoughts in my head was, I am never doing this again.  On top of that, I had tore in like 4 places with my vaginal delivery.  I had hemorrhoids that also was a result of the delivery.  Also, I tore my perineum (the space between the vagina and butt) and had to get stitches.  This amplified all of the aforementioned feelings.  I felt so lonely and miserable, like I was trapped in the Twilight Zone even though I have a wonderful, ever-present husband.  It was like an out of body experience.  It was a vicious cycle because the more I felt anxious, lonely, and I guess slightly depressed, the more I became worried, nervous, and anxious that I may have PPD.  I just kept telling myself, no, you love your baby and you have no negative feelings toward him.  The more severe stage of this was over in about a week and a half.  I slowly started to get a grip, but here is something messed up that they don’t really tell you.  By they I mean, doctors, nurses, and the ridiculous books (we’ll get to that another time) you read trying to prepare yourself.  Anyway they forget to tell you there is an insane random hormone extravaganza going on in your body after you give birth and even more so if you are breastfeeding (which I was) and anyone who knows anything about physiology knows that hormones are little messengers that make things happen in the body so imagine an overload of them in your body sending all these messages, causing all of these signals.  Of course you are going to go haywire.  Yes, some women are lucky and they don’t have big problems, but I wasn’t one of them.  It probably took me over a month to get it together.  Yet I must say have no fear ladies, today with a 12 month old, I can totally say I do not even know who that person was.  I wouldn’t recognize her if I saw her now and she wouldn’t recognize me.  This too shall pass.